


oh snap snap, clap clap, i dont know what im doing so here's a lil rap

by Anonymous



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ambrose Lalonde is Bro Strider, Canon-Typical Violence, Duke Strider is Alpha Bro Strider, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-19 05:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29745765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: ->Be coolRose Lalonde=>I said, Be coolDave Strider=>Cooler than thatDirk strider=>Ice ColdBro Strider (Beta Edition)=> Close Enough
Kudos: 1
Collections: Anonymous





	oh snap snap, clap clap, i dont know what im doing so here's a lil rap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ->Consider being less cool  
> ->Reject the idea as unrealistic  
> You simply cannot be any cooler than you already are, the idea is simply preposterous

The thing is it's fairly simple to wrest control from the author of the story, first of all, the author of the story has the strength of will of a piece of toast, secondly, I'm the Motherfucking Prince of Heart, Ultimate Edition. That means that there is no interfering Cherub trying to fight a battle against me, a battle that I don't care to win because truthfully there is no prize at the end of the tunnel. There is no one to fight me for control. There is no light at the end of the day. I win, I won and honestly, it's ridiculous that anyone could ever think otherwise.

Perhaps the second person?

===> Be the Asshole who almost died

Your name is Ambrose Lalonde and you got impaled the other day. Not in a fun way, you almost bled out by getting impaled on your own sword, again. Best not to mention the fact that this is the second time it's happened, the first time you actually did die but no one needs to hear about that. That was literally in another universe that may have some bearing on the current state of events. The events are you recovering from being run through with the only broadsword you own. 

===> Look out at your family from your hospital bed. 

Yes, you got impaled by a sword of course you're in a hospital bed now. In this universe, you have healthcare and the agency to actually use it

BRO: Sup  
DAVE: ...  
ROSE: ...  
DIRK: ...sup?  
DUKE: bro, why the fuck do we always end up in hospital?  
BRO: We don't always end up here, I literally told you to get a hotel. Actually, why the fuck are you at my hospital bed  
ROSE: Father, have you managed to forget that you were grievously injured and you have shared custody of your children. Is it the morphine? I'm sure we can arrange for you to have less morphine.  
BRO: Darling, you know it makes me so proud when you threaten me with intense physical pain. Where's your Mom she needs to witness the father-daughter bonding we so rarely partake in   
DAVE: uh  
ROSE: Well  
DIRK: ...  
DUKE: ...so actually let's not talk about your better half right now! we should talk about my sister instead  
DIRK: Or the injuries that landed B-Dad in the hospital?  
DUKE: -or we can do that!   
DUKE: can defs talk about why we're here, but considering we all know, maybe later kid.   
BRO: Man, you continue to be smooth as cement, how the fuck did you ever make it in Hollywood  
DAVE: sbahj is just that good   
ROSE: He's a commodity for the colour of his skin and the curls in his hair, A living example of human albinism in ways that are almost animalistic  
DIRK: Damn, Rose no need to come for Bro's whole image, that's. Sister mine, you make me forget that you're a scary witch underneath all those sundresses  
ROSE: brother mine, I think you'll find that's the whole point. 

If you had a heart then maybe you'd smile at your children getting along. Last Anna had told you, Dirk and Rose had been arguing because Dirk was taking up too much time and space in the bathroom. (They didn't even share a bathroom.) She'd made sure to tell you all about Dirk's growing crush and the way Rose had started filling out in the hips and Dave behind the two of them growing taller than Dirk like a sapling. Wherever she currently was, from the way that all the kids seemed stiff and D wasn't even wearing a casual suit, it wasn't in Texas.

But you didn't smile, even if your lips might've twitched. You didn't even need to shrug off your shades for the full effect of the The Look. Dave was currently holding them and you knew that behind them he was avoiding your gaze. Kid was just as smart as he'd always been but he was more used to you even if he didn't know it. 

You let your Look sweep over your fidgety-ex and onto the only one without shades. Rose was good but as stated, you were better. In this story, things were just gonna be like that. No point making an allowance for teenagers trying to get a leg over or they'd never stop.


End file.
